Maybe I had never been a gypsy. Or maybe it was just becoming unfamiliar. I was sure I had missed the window and had found my self with deep-unrelenting roots. The kind of roots that burrowed so deep it would take heavy machinery to pull them out. The solid trunk and beautiful mature branches had proven capable of withstanding even the roughest seasons.
My image was flipped upside down. Not the image others saw of me because on the outside I had remained unchanged. It was within that life was shaken up. It was my internal world was now on it’s head.
I had always welcomed the “gypsy” label. If I had to wear a title it was the most honest one I felt described me. If I was honest it was the one thing I had striven to be my entire life.
A Gypsy. It seemed mysterious and romantic. Exciting and adventurous. But now….was it true? It was painful to look objectively at it and count the ways in which I wore this lie. Wanting to travel and actually traveling. These are two different things. Realistically, fantasizing about wanting to go away and never leaving for more than a weekend trip was almost hypocritical. Dishonest. I swore I wasn’t dishonest but even in wearing this label had proven the opposite. Every chance I had to be away – I was swept up by the misery. I was swept up by the pain that hung over me – until I returned to the safety of my home.
Like I said. My life has been turned up on it’s head. I see now that a gypsy life is hard. It’s never building life long relationships, it’s not pushing passed superficial images, it’s not being reliable or sometimes capable of caring for ones own long-term needs.
What are the long term needs of a woman. No longer a dreamy girl. But a woman owning her ability to choose and no longer be led. I guess that’s one of them. A need to own the ability to choose. The need to be self-centered enough to make sound decisions and confident in your ability to bounce back from the consequences of unsound choices.
Maybe there was some weight to the thought that a gypsy was unreliable. As in you didn’t know what risks or choices they would make. That was what allured me. The idea of making risky choices and recovering from the unrecoverable risks.
A glimpse back at reality would show very solid and safe decisions. Decisions made out of fear instead of drive. This was who I had been. The true story behind my need for freedom.
Your ill-rooted gypsy.
It’s not hard to see what a 360 my life has taken in the passed few years.
Everything is coming together and there’s space in my life to yearn for more again.
For one – I’m a yoga teacher. A dream attained after years of study and work. I don’t know that it’s been as hard as it could be but it’s been work.
It does not escape me that everytime I proudly say I’m a teacher I get awkward glances at my midsection. I know the perfect poised body of the typical yoga teacher but I’m definately not it.
What I do know is I fell down the stairs last week. Like, ALL THE WAY. It was terrifying (and hilarious in hindsight). My one foot pinned behind me as I plummeted quickly no chance to stop myself. I was hurt – my left ankle and more. I was able to walk away mostly ok… just a little pissed off. One week later- playing games with my son. I landed on my foot wrong and sprained it. The right foot this time. The pain was excruciating. Two days later my ankle was fine (a little swollen) but I was riding my bike pain free.
Without the knowledge my studies have afforded me. The flexibility I have gained and the trust I have in my body to heal itself I don’t think I’d be “up and running” this quickly.
I may not have the perfect yoga body but I have something more valuable. The flexibility to take these falls well and the ability to keep living my life right after them. It’s a far cry from 5 years ago.
Secondly, confidence in my ability to learn close to anything. Fear is a motivator rather than a debilitated. If I’m scared to do it I know I’ll be trying in no time. And I’ve understood the capacity for my brain to learn and relearn. I love to study new things and I am constantly searching for more out of life and often it delivers .
Millions of people pay dearly to mask the signs of their aging and in their raw beauty in all honesty, I couldn’t be more proud of the experience and confidence I gained or more grateful to the generations of women before paving this path the best way they knew how.
Getting older, wiser, more confident, more direct is a blessing.
In health and wellness.
Amanda Zentner ❤
The river rushes toward the waterfall carrying with it everything in it’s path. Sticks, leaves, and in today’s case ducks.
I watched in anticipation as a family of five ducks were surprised to find the edge of the waterfall. They rightfully panicked and managed to pull themselves up onto the surrounding rock face. Determined to be on their way…. they try and panick again. Obviously not the safest route they begin to search for solutions.
I find myself in situations often wondering how I can make it work or rerouting. Just as they did. They rerouted swimming against the current toward a seemingly safe island. One of them make it – the others turn back.
Seeing the best route and attempting to lead others along guarentees no following.
Reluctantly, Phil (as I’ve dubbed him) follows the crowd. Not wanting to be separated from his flock he heads back towards them only this time he’s caught in a current that there is no fighting. Quickly the water propels him to the edge of chaos and he’s not only free falling from the rivers edge but being pushed by tons of water.
Of course, our beloved Phil spreads his wings and nails the landing. It’s literally what he’s born to do. But in that moment I saw life so clearly. The fear before plummeting into a new adventure. The chaos on the way down. The turmoil and recovery on the brink of change and a new freedom.
Phil the duck. My newest spirit animal.
Organized and Inspired
Today I’m sitting with awe and love for the man that’s not only fathered my son but also taken the responsibility to help care for and raise my daughter. A man who may not always do the right thing but always strives to make it right. A man I’m grateful to have built the last decade of my life with.
Today is giving me pause, and cause, to reflect on all the men who’ve guided me, supported me, abandoned me, and given me tough life lessons.
As I listen to the chatter of my son and his uncle, I realize how lucky he is to have such a full life. The supports he will need are around, available, and willing to hear him when he speaks.
My favorite male relationship was with my Uncle Mike. In fact, I’ve named my son after him hoping to instill the character of Mike in Grayson’s future.
The same uncle that told me as a teenager that the beauty in my eyes is more important than the shape of my body. The same uncle that told me that when I needed to cry – it was OK, and he never forgot a single birthday. He always made me feel loved – even at my worst. He taught me to honor myself, enjoy myself, follow my intuition, and not fear for what others think. This is the man I bid a happy father’s day to if only he was still around to receive it. I think if him often.
There have been many men who’ve influenced my growth. Employers, absent father, abusive stepfather, supportive male friends, cousins, uncles, both my babies daddies, and now my son. I’m so lucky for all the trials I’ve had the opportunity to over come and I am sending genuine love to all of those who have shown me how to be the best version of myself yet. Happy father’s day✌.
What have the masculine energies filled your life with? What lessons have you learned? Have you forgiven or thanked them today?
Happy father’s day to all the men that have graced my life. You are appreciated more than I can express.
In health and wellness
This meme may seem true-r than most recent statements about myself. In regards to my random thirst for adventure, my hip-hopping from one fun thing to another, and my burst of inspirations.
Much like a hang over for most – my dissappointment takes a lot more time to shrug off than it did when I was young.
Back then I had it in me to try and try again. I believe success has been found through my failures and broken plans. But as an “adult” there’s so much more at stake……so much more to lose.
I could sit here and air my grievances but if you know me….you’ve probably already heard it and it’s honestly not helping me overcome.
The most recent unfulfilled plan has taken an incredible toll on me this time. I’m recovering the way I do. Through yoga, meditation, and quiet time alone to reflect and revise.
I am, however, left wondering if my zest for adventure and newness has been stripped from my being. If I’ll ever have the strength and supports to build the absolute highest dream for my life or if I am in fact doing that right now.
This amount of quiet time is unfamiliar to me. I feel like keeping low and reserving my passion for the next big thing is crucial —- but what if it never comes — what if this phase is over? And who am I if I can’t claim to be my same old self?
These are open ended questions, I rationally understand that this is good it’s the opening for something new to come in but unlike the many changes before I can’t predict the outcome.
I’ve come so far in my evolution. These next steps are unfamiliar, a wee bit scary, and unpredictable – just the way I’d always hoped they’d be.
So much muchness is coming……
Where are you at in your health and wellness?
In health and wellness,
Yes, that’s the best way to describe me…or it has been for years. I like to live in the now and commitment guarantees an outcome. I don’t believe in guarantees.
I’m simple. I like coffee in the morning. Quiet time to myself. New material to study. Oh and people who can entertain my overflowing and ever-changing train of thought.
I’ve found a beautiful balance within my work. My business’s that grow themselves and my lineup of new tasks and clients.
Right now – literally today – I will be emersing myself in a change of seasons. Where my world changes from a meditative aquatic therapy class to exciting out-door hooping tricks and events.
This will be a sweet ending to my second year at the Temple Gardens Hotel and Spa. A beautiful two years with a company who sought me out and set me loose to develop my own program. This is my newest baby turning two! The evolution has been a calming yet inspiring experience that I’m grateful for beyond words.
Classes begin again September 1. This is a commitment that excites me ~ I look forward to a third term with the spa for 2017/2018. I hope to spend more time with those familiar faces and meet more beautiful travelling souls.
Many thanks to everyone who took the time to grace the waters during this 2016/2017 season. Enjoy your summer!
It’s my way of life. I’m not afraid to seek it and to speak it. I often faulter in the execution but enjoy the process along the way.
I am seeking opportunity. The more off the cuff the better. I’m seeking those interested in empowering me, being empowered by me, and providing significant opportunities for those around us. Creating a community of people who are bound together by passion and love and ready to build each other up.
To take on a project is fun. Life affirming. Not only do I take joy in the completion of a project but also the creation. Creating “what ifs” and solutions. Taking this glimpse of a dream and building it into a reality.
I’ve always been a powerful supporter of those around me. Attracting those who dream big and are able to follow their passions.
I’ve often felt “unstable” never desiring the 9-5 grind or long term commitment to a job. Its never been fulfilling to me to commit. I’m more of a flow with the project type. One who can lend an experienced, well-worked hand when needed. With the start ups and the expansions that’s exactly where I excel and where I belong.
Many inspirations are ready to be realized. I’m ready to expand as the opportunity requires. I wonder what’s next.In health and wellness